You're so great with people
“You’re great with people so we’d like you to become a manager.” It sounds like a compliment, but…
What I heard was “You’re a terrible programmer.”
It hit me like a punch to the gut. 🥊
I was early in my senior engineer journey, deeply invested in being fantastic at my craft. I was mastering design patterns, exploring new paradigms, and contributing to complex systems. And having a lot of fun.
But I’d also spent years studying psychology, empathy, and how to live a meaningful life - skills that came naturally to me and I loved improving but were not so easy for many of my peers.
As a woman I’d often had to try ten times harder to be celebrated for my engineering work. It’s common for women to be put in a people box and it can harm our confidence in our other skills.
If you’re promoting someone into management, be mindful of how your message will land. Otherwise what should be a celebration may land as a punch to the gut like it did with me.
❌ Don’t let them feel like their technical skills are being sidelined or devalued.
👏 In management, technical breadth is just as crucial as people skills. It’s the foundation for guiding teams, making tough calls, and understanding the big picture.
So, when you’re deciding who’s ready for management, celebrate the whole person!
I’d never had any praise from a manager about my engineering and if I had this conversation would have had a very different effect on me!
Acknowledge their full skill set because they’ll need all of it to thrive in their new role. And they’ll need you to support them in growing every part of it!
